You have set up the bar so high that everyone else feels mediocre.
i am so tired
i wanna die
if people be askin why im dead, tell ’em i had a bad childhood
I wanna write about you but I can’t find the right words to describe you.
So I just decided to keep you in my memory instead. Raw and honest.
I am so mad right now. I want to hurt myself.
I’ve always been a sucker for movies with tragic endings. I just finished watching one. You know I do this most of the time to release all the pent up anger and loneliness I’ve been
dealing for the past. The room was dark and cold and big. I have the entire room for myself. I felt so vulnerable curling like a kid who lost her lollipop. I’m tired fighting against this feeling. I’m just gonna go deal with it until it hurts no more.
P.S. Sometimes I hate that my childhood wasn’t that pretty and I pretty much have a fucked up way of dealing over things but hey I’m proud because at least I’m trying to be there for myself.
I tried not to cry but I still failed.
I met these two people separately. Both of them have intriguing yet interesting characteristics. They both stood out on their own. One, I can talk about intelligent stuff. The other, i can talk about dumb stuff.
We have always talked about different things we can think of. One, cuts off the conversation when it gets too long. The other, continues the conversation for as long as his sleepy ass could fathom.
Both of their sense of humor tickle me. One, throws sarcastic intelligent remarks and you can’t argue with them because they always make sense. The other, throws lame dumbass punch lines and, oh boy, how we talked about plotting out evil-genius type of murders- talk about dark sense of humor.
We always talked about things we like. One, talks about the books he read and suggests books for me to read. The other, talks about songs, movies and series he like and suggests some of ’em for me to watch and listen to. I got new faves!
Both were intriguing and interesting. Both stood out on their own. Then, I realized I was more comfortable talking about dumb stuff until late at night when our eyes becomes so teary and droopy that we can’t keep up. I enjoyed talking about evil genius type of murder plans and weird stuff that I dont usually share with “normal people”. We both share the same dark sense of humor. He talked about his favorite movies and series. Tada! I have now a long list of his must-watch movies/series. And oh my god the way we talked about our favorite songs and our favorite bands, we got so excited that we throw different songs for us to listen together at that exact moment and we dont really care how random we could get.
Still, both of them have intriguing yet interesting characteristics. Both stood out on their own. Both left me hanging.
Your modern Peter Pan.
The entire day was especially sad in every thing I do. This shall pass. For now, I have to feel it.
It’s okay not to be okay. It’s part of our life. It makes us human. No person lives without fears, doubts and stresses. It’s okay to feel tired. You aint superhuman. You can temporarily detach from other people. Sometimes we’re too harsh for our own imperfections but news flash, everybody has it. Embrace your imperfections so no one can use it against you. Try loving yourself more, not based on how people see you but based on how you perceive yourself. See yourself not as perfect human being but someone who has got few weaknesses but got way more than enough strengths. Try to stand up on your own. Let’s face it not everyone can be there for you. Everyone has their own struggles to deal with. But you have to be strong for yourself and for them, and vice versa. Try to switch your perception. Maybe you are looking at the wrong direction. For before you are anyone else’s, you are for yourself.